I am puke
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
