I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
