guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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