hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
