I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
