my being single is dangerous.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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