member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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