Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
