It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
