i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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