hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
