fuck your aforementioned shoe
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
