Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
