I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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