Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize