A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Randomize
