..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
