Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
