im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
My liver just had a heart attack.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I could fuck to npr.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
