Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
