as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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