I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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