Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
