Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
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