Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
