So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
But theres a keg here and me gusta
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
