so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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