i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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