addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
