How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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