And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
