I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
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