STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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