the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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