just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Randomize
