The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
