I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
