i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
