my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
