Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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