I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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