so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
