you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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