I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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