Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
