She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize