youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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