there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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