You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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