They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
