So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
