She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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