I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
