I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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