Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
