haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
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