He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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