If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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