The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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