You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
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I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
It's never too late to be topless.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
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You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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