Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
