She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
