drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize