You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
