Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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