Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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