I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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