just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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