It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
