you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Randomize
