Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
There's always time for handjobs
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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