i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
