just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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