the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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