Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
