oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
